


stress, tears, and cuddles

by lovehyunjin



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Lee Taeyong, Light Angst, M/M, Mentioned NCT Ensemble, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Hyungs, Sad Lee Taeyong, Stress Relief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 17:50:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17750627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovehyunjin/pseuds/lovehyunjin
Summary: where everything gets too much for taeyong to handle





	stress, tears, and cuddles

being leader is stressful especially if the group has eighteen members. however, usually when things get a little too hectic, his members are there to help him. but in times like these, his members are all busy and tired and don’t notice the heavy responsibilities taeyong is struggling to carry. it doesn’t help that taeyong never tells them when something is wrong (for fear of worrying them or being a burden), even though the members or more specifically taeil and johnny have repeatedly told him that he needs to tell them if something’s wrong or if he’s sick or injured or if he just needs help. 

both johnny and taeil were people that taeyong felt safe with; he knew they would help whenever he, or any of the other members, needed it. he could confide with them in a way that he couldn’t with the others. he knew they would be there to hold onto him and be his anchor any time he was struggling and whenever things were just too difficult for him to handle. taeil was his hyung and was always there to take care of him whenever he needed it. taeil would give him medicine whenever he was sick, would make sure he ate three meals a day, would make sure that he wasn’t overworking himself, and would overall take care of taeyong’s well being. johnny wasn’t necessarily his hyung (considering they were both born in the same year) but he was older by five months and that was enough for him to feel like johnny’s dongsaeng. johnny was much taller than taeyong, which always made him feel so protected and safe. johnny would always wrap him in his arms and allow him to cuddle and sit on his lap, even though it sometimes made him feel like a baby. taeyong would never say it but he loved the way johnny made him feel so safe even when everything was going wrong and the way taeil was always so caring over his health, both physically and mentally.

and now is one of the rare occasions that everything’s just too much for taeyong, but the other members fail to notice his happiness deteriorating. 

nct 127 is practicing for simon says and it’s at this moment that he doesn’t feel like he can handle all the stress that comes with being the leader of a ten member subunit (and the unofficial leader of eighteen), especially during comeback season when they’re all stressed over all the music shows they’re performing in and whether or not people would like their new songs. taeyong always tries taking that stress off his members, allowing them to relax and have fun, which was beneficial to his members but had the opposite result for him. he was now putting all the responsibilities of the group onto his shoulders and it was obviously too much but he refused to lean on the others for help, which turned out to be a bad idea. 

the pressure just builds on top of him as each second passes and he feels like they don’t have enough time and their dance isn’t perfect yet. he finds flaws in nearly everything; their dancing isn’t clean enough, the moves are sloppy, the song isn’t good enough, and the singing and rapping isn’t perfect.

we’re not improving. nctzens won’t like us anymore. the music show performance will go terribly and we’ll mess up as much as we did at practice. it’s my fault; i should’ve helped all of them more so they could be as good as possible. all of this is my fault. mine. it’s none of the others’ faults. 

it’s too much for him to handle by himself and he knows he’s going to eventually break but he can’t let the others know (if they knew, then they would only worry about him , so he walks out. he leaves without a single warning because internally he can feel the tension inside of him and knows it’s a matter of time before he can’t hold it in anymore. he feels the tears about to drop but he holds them for as long as he can, until he’s out of the room and away from the eyes of all his members. and the second he’s out, the tears he had held in begin to fall and he’s leaving the entire building and running to his bedroom. it’s comforting and it’s a routine for him to go there when he can’t handle the rest of the world. 

he cries the entire way home, somehow not crashing into anyone or anything as tears continuously fill his eyes. when he’s finally inside of the dorm, he practically sprints to his room and falls upon his bed. he cries into his pillow and grabs a plushie from across the room on johnny’s bed. he needs the comfort from it while he cries in the pillow and hugs the plushie. tears stain the pillow but he can’t bring himself to stop crying and somehow every time he calms himself down enough to stop crying, his mind traces back to everything that happened and another sob escapes.

he had disregarded the fact that the members would get worried at his sudden departure and it’s not until he hears the front door to their dorm opening that he realizes. he wants to hide but he knows he can’t and he doesn’t even have it in him to close the door to his room, so now it’s left open and he knows that someone will hear the sobbing and come in and worry even more about him. and just as he had predicted, not even a minute after he’d heard the front door open, johnny walks into his room. he closes the door (thankfully because he didn’t want everyone else to see him crying) and sits at the edge of taeyong’s bed. “taeyongie, talk to me” he says and his voice is so gentle that taeyong wants to tell johnny everything on his mind. johnny brings the leader’s head away from the pillow and into his shoulder instead, wrapping his arms in a warm embrace around the younger. 

“i-i’m fine” taeyong hates the way his voice struggles to say it, how he can’t talk without sniffling, and how his voice breaks when he says it and tears come rushing out. he’s not fine and he knows it. he knows that it wasn’t worth lying about because johnny and taeyong both know that he isn’t crying for no reason. 

“baby, i know you’re not okay right now; you’re crying. just tell me what’s wrong so i can help you”.

“i-i’m just overwhelmed a-and stressed. b-but i-i shouldn’t feel this way. i-i’m the leader— i should be able to handle all the stress. i should be in charge of everything and handle all the responsibilities. i shouldn’t be weak and vulnerable like this, i’m sorry for worrying you” taeyong sniffles.

“calm down baby, come sit on my lap. it’s okay to be overwhelmed sometimes, just let me take care of you for now” johnny says, letting the younger maneuver himself into johnny’s lap. 

“everything’s gonna be alright, taeyongie. you can rely on any of us, i promise. let us help you; you don’t need to hold all the responsibility and stress by yourself” the older rapper reassures. all the reassurances eventually help stop the flow of tears and taeyong is finally able to calm down and breathe and relax into johnny’s hold. it’s silent for the next few minutes as taeyong soaks in all of johnny’s comfort and affection.

but the silence is short lived when a few tears slip from taeyong’s eyes even though he thought that there were no more tears left. taeyong tried to keep the tears contained because honestly he doesn’t feel like crying anymore and he doesn’t want johnny to know and worry about him more than he already is. but as expected, johnny does notice the couple of tears tracing their way down taeyong’s cheek as the leader tries to wipe them away as discreetly as possible. “hey, baby, what is it? why are you crying again?” he questions. 

“it’s a stupid reason” taeyong replies, with no desire to explain why he’s crying for the second time today. 

“come on taeyong, you know you can tell me anything.”

“i… it’s just— i don’t know. i guess i just haven’t felt so safe and protected in so long” he pauses in the middle of his explanation, unsure of whether he should continue, but he decides that he should be honest to johnny, “i’ve just always been the one taking care of the other members and comforting them. it’s not that i didn’t want to be taken care of because i did, i just… i didn’t know how to tell any of you. the younger members always look up to me as their leader and hyung, and it just felt wrong wanting to rely on someone, the way that they rely on me. i didn’t want to ask you or taeil hyung because even though you’re both older than me, i was scared to and i didn’t want to like ‘steal’ you away from the others because they’re more important and they need you more. and i shouldn’t be needing someone to take care of me; i’m twenty three years old and i’m not a child anymore. but sometimes… i don’t like being the leader and the hyung and i just… i just want to be treated like a dongsaeng and i want to sit on someone’s lap and be able to rely on someone. and i guess i’ve just wanted that feeling of security for so long— i’m sorry.”

“baby, you can ask for comfort from any of us at anytime, we’ll take care of you. don’t be sorry for wanting something like that; you deserve to rely on any of us just as much as the dreamies rely on you. anytime you want to sit on my lap or cuddle or you just need some comfort, you’re more than welcome to come find me and whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed with stress, tell me so i can help you, okay baby?”

“okay fine, i’ll try to” taeyong says, knowing that he shouldn’t promise anything for fear that he will end up breaking the promise.

“do you want to cuddle and take a nap, baby?” johnny asks, almost as if he could read the younger’s mind. he nods even though the response wasn’t necessary since johnny already knew taeyong would want to cuddle after having the talk.

taeyong curls in johnny’s bed (he claimed that it was more comfortable, but johnny could tell taeyong meant that he felt safer and more secure and protected in it), still hugging the plushie and johnny climbs in next to him. “sleep baby, you’ll feel better afterwards” johnny says, pressing a kiss to his forehead and wrapping his arms around taeyong as the younger cuddles even closer.


End file.
